by Jonathan Cliff

Every time I attend CPC there are some guarantees that I know will happen.  First, I will probably run into someone I know at the airport, but can’t remember his or her name.  Second, I will eat more food in that one-week conference than I have in the month prior.  Lastly, and almost assured to happen is that I will commiserate on some level with people that share my burden for children and their families.  It’s not all bad, it’s just refreshing to be in a room with people that dread the Saturday night phone calls as much as I do!

Over their years, I’ve collected my long list of things that I wish parents would do to make my job easier.  When I share my list with other Children’s Ministry Leaders, I find a common pain in all of us. We wish parents would take their kids to church EVERY week.  We wish that parents would stop ARRIVING so LATE for the environments we’ve worked all week to prepare.  We wish that parents would STOP GROUNDING their kids from church when they get in trouble at school, especially in those pre-teen areas.  We wish that parents would take the time to TALK AT HOME about what their kids are learning at church.  You agree, right?  I’d dare to say that I’ve never met a Children’s worker that wouldn’t want to stand up and wave his Bible at that wish list.

However, at some point we have to begin to look at how easy we make it for parents to fulfill these wishes.  Remember the old saying, “While you’re pointing one finger at them, you’ve got 4 more pointing back at you!” (I never understood that as a kid, I mean can you really point with your thumb?)  It’s oh so true, isn’t it?  For me I have to start evaluating my own ministries and my own leadership to see if I’m truly making it as easy as possible for parents to connect with what I’m doing for their kids.  It’s on me. It’s on us.

We all want parents to bring their kids to church, but have you done your very best to make your areas easy to find?  Would a kid really want to come to your Children’s ministries?  Is it easy for parents to get involved with your children’s ministries?  Physical location matters in your areas, as well as how easy it is to get into the area.  Is your visitor check-in quick, or is it a slow crawl?  We want parents to bring their kids to church, and we can communicate this value by creating spaces and environments that are both attractive to the family, but also adds upon each subsequent experience.  We need to make it better.  It’s on me.  It’s on you.

We all want parents to be on time.  It’s hard on leaders everywhere to stop mid-way through a teaching segment to stand up and let the kid into your class for the last 20 minutes of your time together.  It’s hard in the middle of a fantastic storytelling moment in large group, and somebody has to get up and help the latecomer find his place.  Maybe your church has time cut-off limits, and good for you; but most of us don’t have the luxury.  To overcome this, you must begin to ask yourselves if you have done your very best to give them something to arrive on time for?  Does it matter if parents arrive on time?  Have you tweaked and adjusted your classroom settings to encourage early arrival?  Many times all it takes is to build the relationship aspects of our ministries into the very first few minutes; and that alone will get those kids cheerleading to their parents to be on time.  We can communicate the value of timeliness by building value into the earliest parts of the morning, and training teachers to lead through this arrival time.  It’s on me.  It’s on you.

We all want parents to stop grounding their kids from our church.  I’ve seen it for years, parents treating kids church attendance like the privilege of riding a bicycle or playing baseball.  It’s more important than that, but have we really sold parents on the value of all that you do?  Seriously ask yourself, are your areas really punishment?  Are you taking the time to confront this misperception in the minds of parents?  We can communicate the value of what we do by helping parents find creative solutions to discipline, and learning to step out with courage and respect to confront the problem head on.  It’s on me.  It’s on you.

We all want parents to teach their kids at home, what we’ve worked so hard to teach them on the weekends.  This has begun to pick up steam across a lot of our children’s ministries, and for good reason.  If parents can get connected to what their kids are learning, we increase our effectiveness exponentially.  But, as leaders are we giving parents places to connect with what their kids learn?  Have you set the bar so impossibly high that parents never even try?  Is involvement with their kids rewarded in any way?  There are a plethora of ideas out there to get information into the hands of parents, but are we using it right?  We can communicate this important value by encouraging, exhorting, and praying with parents to see and fulfill their own role as a parent at home.  It’s on me.  It’s on you.

These are just a few of the things we could all commiserate over as leaders of children, and I know that we’ve just scraped the surface of what there is to be upset with parents about.  But, if we can humble ourselves in a way that increases our capacity to lead…then watch out!  We can start overcoming the age-old problems of Children’s Ministry everywhere, and we can start with what we do first!  It’s all on us!

Psalms 25:9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. 

Jonathancliff.com
twitter.com/jonathancliff

by Gina McClain

Parents of preschoolers seem to have a wealth of dreams for their child.  They’re in a season of life where the possibilities outweigh the impossibilities.  At this point, they could be holding the next president, a star quarterback or the first in their family to earn a doctorate.

As a ministry leader, how do we tap into this season… this natural bent toward dreaming… and help parents dream more about their child’s relationship with God, and the ministry God has for them?  How do we help parents set the right trajectory for their kids?  And how do we help them to remain focused on that trajectory through the everyday ins and outs of life?

In my season of ministry I’ve found that focusing (and maintaining it!) on the right ‘End’ requires intentional interactions that help parents discern the trajectory of their family and how to take hold of it.  You see, every family ends up somewhere.  Few families end up somewhere on purpose.  How do we help our families end up somewhere on purpose?

We invite parents to Start with the End in Mind?

The biggest challenge we face as ministry leaders is our need to communicate a message to families that is counter to the culture in which we live.  Today’s culture tells parents that our goal is to raise well-rounded kids that are provided opportunities for the very purpose of gaining a ‘leg up’ over everyone else.  Our culture communicates that we parent for the first 40 years of life where education, career, and lifestyle are the trophies.  And these cultural norms compete heavily for the attention of the families we serve.

In order to help my families Start with the End in Mind, I’ve discovered there are 4 primary things that must reverberate in my ministry.  These are 4 actions and/or postures that I take to communicate a specific message over the indiscriminate noise of the world.

Like spokes on a wheel.  These actions work in tandem together.

Like pushes on a Flywheel.  Each push builds one upon the other.

According to Tim Collins in Good to Great, the Flywheel concept denotes the momentum that can build when a series of actions are taken.  It’s not a single action and/or event, but a series of actions creating a predictable pattern of build-up and breakthrough.  Eventually the effort is less but the build up continues and the message we work so hard to communicate in the beginning becomes a message that reverberates throughout our ministry.

Let’s look at each push individually.  

Push #1:  Unify Your Language

Understand that you are not the only ministry communicating to the families in your church.  In fact, if you count the number of ministries represented in your church… that’s equal to the number of messages flooding your families.  From missions to small groups to volunteering to worship… there is no end to the number of messages a church can unload on a family.

Wherever you have influence, work to refine the message by unifying your language.  Use consistent terminology that parents will begin to weave into their own vernacular.  Brian Haynes and Legacy Milestones uses the phrase ‘God Sightings’ as a way to encourage parents to look for the evidence of God’s work in their daily life.  Reggie Joiner and Orange uses the phrase ‘Widen the Circle’ as a way to challenge parents to strategically surround our kids with other voices that communicate the same message we fight so hard to teach.  Adopting simple phrases like these can help parents to make connections between theoretical concepts and applicable actions.  The goal is to employ language to define viable stepping stones to help a family move from where they are to where they need to go next.

Push # 2:  Look at what your church is already doing

Finding the opportunities to communicate your message can be trickier than forming the message itself!  Families are busy.  I’m hard-pressed to find a family that is looking for one more thing to do.  So finding a great time to gain an audience with parents so we can communicate our message is far easier said than done.

In my time in ministry, I’ve found that most parents aren’t as willing to participate in a weekly parenting class at the church.  However, they will attend a parent meeting in preparation for an event they want their child to be a part of like Vaction Bible School or Mother’s Day Out.  They will attend a parent meeting as one step in a multi-step process in order to participate in Child Dedications.

Many times, finding opportunities to have an audience with parents is easier when you can integrate it into an existing event that generates it’s own hype and draw.  Guard against the temptation to throw another activity on your calendar.  Investigate what your church is already doing and ask yourself if a Parent Connection aspect would leverage you an audience.  If yes, then make it happen!

Push #3:  Look for ‘Natural’ bridges

This is a simple, subtle and very slow step.  Why?  Because it’s less comprehensive.  It isn’t a mass email or text message.  It isn’t a one-time blog post or a one-off parent handout that blankets multiple ages.  Rather it’s considering what kinds of questions a parent is asking in the different stages of their family.

Consider for moment…

• What kind of questions is a brand new dad asking?
• What fears does a mom of a toddler struggle with?
• What challenges do parents of preK kids wrestle through?

Consider where you have heightened attention from parents then consider what tools you can put in their hands to help them.

These are ‘natural’ (i.e. organic) bridges that bridge your ministry to that family and effectively diminishing the gap between the two.  The most important thing about Natural Bridges is the importance of meeting the ‘felt’ need.  Don’t share vision for the future without first meeting the ‘felt’ need of the present.  Like teaching a thirsty man to dig for water.  Give him some water first, then show him how to dig.  Meet the needs your families are feeling first.

• Recommend resources for teaching discipline
• Send them a book teaching them how to pray for their child
• Link them to great materials that will equip them for success in this season

But once you’ve addressed the need, take advantage of the attention you have.  Pull them out of the ‘parenting weeds’ and remind them of the bigger goal.  Help them view the challenges of their current circumstances in light of the bigger story God is telling through their family.

Watching for the ‘Natural’ bridges helps you leverage connection points where you can continually communicate the goal of parenting.  To raise kids to love God with all that they have.

Push #4:  Train Your Volunteers to be the primary trust builders for your ministry

No matter the size of your ministry, effectiveness depends heavily on your ability to work through volunteers.  So, start today.  Train your volunteers to build trust with your families.  The more parents trust the volunteer, the more they trust you.  The more they trust you, the more they trust the ministry you represent.

By leading your volunteers to steward and build upon the trust parents extend to them, the more of a voice your ministry has in the life of the family.

I like to train volunteers to look at these 3 key areas.

• The Doorway - Always, always, always have someone at the door of the room greeting, remembering names, telling each parent something about their child.  Creating that welcome, warm presence when kids arrive and the excited, engaging presence when they depart.  Never miss an opportunity to connect with parents at the door.  Although this isn’t a great time for chit-chat, it’s the perfect chance for an encouraging smile.
• The Lobby - I joke with my volunteers and invite them to ‘stalk’ their parents in the lobby.  Not in a creepy way.  But with the intent of introducing themselves to new families, encouraging parents of irregulars to return soon, and simply touching base with families they see every week.  It’s a great opportunity to find out what’s going on in their life Monday thru Saturday.  And with each interaction, the bond of trust increases.
• The Living Room - There is only one unobtrusive way that I know of to get into the living room of our families that effectively builds loyalty and trust.  Personal, hand-written cards.  When a volunteer sends a note of encouragement to a child, it speaks volumes to the parent about how much your ministry cares for their child. When a volunteer sends a note of encouragement to the parent, the parent suddenly feels a sense of community and support.

There are so many levels of ‘win’ when you teach your volunteers the impact they can make in building trust with the families that attend your church.

Starting with the End in Mind is a message we have to fight to keep on our parent’s radar.  It requires consistent, focused communication over a long period of time.  These four pushes can take great effort at the beginning.

• Push #1:  Unify your Language
• Push #2:  Look at what your church is already doing
• Push #3:  Look for ‘Natural’ bridges
• Push #4:  Train your Volunteers to be the primary trust builder of your ministry

Yet with each push the flywheel of communication begins to turn.  With each revolution, the more momentum the flywheel gains.  And eventually your ministry will reverberate a penetrating message leading families to engage in the story of redemption God is unfolding through them.

Gina is the Children’s Ministry Director at Faith Promise Church.  Her husband, Kyle and three kids (Keegan, Josie and Connor) keep her from taking herself too seriously.  Her driving motivator is to lead Christ-followers to embrace and foster ministry in their home.  If the living room is the hub of ministry, the neighborhood is different.  If the neighborhood is different, the city is different.  If the city is different, the church cannot be contained. “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Matt 5:13”
www.GinaMcClain.com

by Michael Chanley

In an effort to fulfill our purpose statement to serve | serve | serve, to serve God and to serve those who serve His children, INCM has launched six new international conferences:

Hong Kong

Kowloon

Belize (3 separate events)

An additional event, that we cannot disclose the location of for security purposes

Would you prayerfully consider joining us? We are praying for partners to commit to $1 per event, per month for the coming year. Your support of $6 a month will help us to build into local churches in these global communities. Our goal is to create events where the needs of the local church are met. We will cast the vision of the importance of ministering to children and build into local teams to run the conference in coming years. The long term goal is to plant indigenous events through partnership in ministry… adding to the global conversation about Children’s Ministry.

If you can join us, click here: DONATE.

We need your prayer support. If you can join us in prayer, please let us know by joining our INCM group!

Your support will also go to helping us with several exploratory trips. One is in Mexico, the other two are in the Middle East… also in locations we can’t disclose publicly due to security and protection of our partners.

We appreciate any tweets, blogs, or posts of any type. It will all help us to spread the word. Thanks again for considering it and for being a part of our global kidmin network.

By Dienna Goscha

As a children’s pastor, I realized that I was becoming insulated from the community. All of my work was taking place within the church. How was I to be the salt of the earth and light to the world if I lived in a cocoon built inside the walls of the church? How could I be Jesus to my community in a way that relationships could be built and sustained? The answers to my questions came inside a coffee shop surrounded by preschoolers and their moms.

Each Thursday morning at ten o’clock do not look for me lurking around my church office. Instead, you can find me drinking a medium one shot, skim mocha while reading about hungry caterpillars, lonely fireflies and mad llamas. You will find new little friends of mine named Alex and Daniel and Olivia sitting around me with their moms hovering not too far away. You will probably feel the sense of community and energy that fills the coffee shop for half an hour. And you will find lots of smiling people as they witness the enthralled looks on each child’s face.

Story time consists of more than just reading a few random stories to whatever children happen to show up. Instead, it is an intentional time of character building activities. Each story time contains two classic read aloud books based on a theme such as “I can help my family” or “I can share with my friends.” Finger plays, puppets and child friendly props are also integrated into the sessions. God moments naturally happen as a child will mention that he belongs to God or that Christmas is Jesus’ birthday. While the goal is not a spiritual lesson, the character building books naturally lead to short conversations that plant seeds with the children and their families. Each session, the children walk away with a fun activity page and a tangible object such as floppy dog ears or a candy cane. Parents walk away with a much needed break and a take home page with a list of books read and suggestions for extension activities to do at home.

To start a story time, first pray about the location. Look for a coffee shop that is child-friendly. Talk to management, pointing out the advantages a story time would bring to their shop. Advertise in the paper, on community bulletin boards and with mom’s groups. Create a mobile story area using a rolling cart for supplies and blankets for children to sit on. Carefully choose books that have large, colorful pictures. Rhyming books are especially popular and keep children’s attention. Use simple, short books that tell stories that have unspoken morals or lessons.

The desired outcome of the coffee shop story time has been to build relationships that would lead to real conversations about life. I know which child’s mom is struggling with having to go back to work to make ends meet. I know which child’s grandma loves to come after story time for a cup of coffee and to hear her grandson tell her about a dirty dog named Harry or a boy that remembered to say thank you. I know which child’s mom quit teaching to stay home with her kids and is exhausted. I know that these moms cannot help but feel loved by the church as they know that someone is dedicating a portion of time to provide a quality experience for their child and a much needed break for them.

The outcome that I was not expecting was how surprised by joy I would be each Thursday. I love the excitement, the wide eyed wonder, and even the spills of hot chocolate and other unscripted interruptions. Imagine ministering outside the walls of your church, planting seeds of God’s love and anticipating how He will make those seeds grow. Imagine breaking out of your usual routine, going outside the church walls and being Jesus to your community. Take a step out of your comfort zone and head to your local coffee shop with an armful of books and a heart full of God’s love.

Dienna has led children’s ministry for over 20 years and is co-founder of River’s Edge Curriculum. She serves as Pastor of Families and Children at Real Life Community Church in Minnesota. You can reach her at Dienna.goscha@gmail.com.

by Brian Dollar

As I travel around the country, speaking to kids’ pastors and volunteers, I hear some of them say, “My senior pastor doesn’t get me,” “I’d love to do some big things for our kids’ ministry, but my pastor doesn’t share my vision,” or “If it weren’t for my senior pastor, I’d love serving at my church.” These statements concern me and break my heart.  After all, a healthy relationship with the senior pastor is essential for a kids ministry leader to succeed.

Often, I have found that kids ministry leaders expect their senior pastor to do all the work when it comes to building and maintaining that relationship.  They say, “He’s the boss.  It’s his job to connect with me.”  That statement couldn’t be more wrong.  Every relationship is a two way street.

Senior pastors don’t come in “one size fits all.” They have different life experiences, different gifts, different personalities, and different visions for their churches. But in regards to their relationships with kids’ ministry leaders, some principles apply in virtually all cases. Here are some commitments I’ve made to my senior pastor, and I recommend every kids’ leader make them in this important relationship:

• I pray for my pastor and his family daily.

I’ve made a commitment to pray every day for him: for his walk with God, for wisdom in leading our church, for the spiritual vitality of his family, and for God’s protection for him as he steps out to make a difference in our church, our city, and the world. Praying for him causes me to appreciate him even more.

• I own my pastor’s vision.

It’s important not only to understand your pastor’s vision, but also to own it, emotionally and voluntarily.  For our Kids Ministry to play a vital part in our church, I need to be in step with my pastor’s heart and take the initiative to coordinate everything we do with his vision for the church.

• I look for opportunities to serve.

It’s a mistake to sit on the sidelines and demand that your pastor take the initiative to get you involved in other aspects of church life.  Look for ways to take any part of his load off his shoulders that you can.

• I offer accountability instead of forcing my pastor to require it.

Don’t make your pastor play CSI. Take the initiative to tell him anytime there’s a problem he needs to know about. When you’re going to be late, call. When something goes wrong, tell him. When there’s a problem that’s going to affect other ministries, give him a heads up.

• I’m committed to be open to correction.

For years, my insecurity caused me to struggle with being defensive. Under the hurt feelings and protests is a deep sense that I’m not adequate, personally or professionally—or both. No one is above correction, and we can all learn to handle it with grace.

• I need to keep my frustration quiet.

Whining to a sympathetic ear feels good for the moment, but it causes a lot of damage to everyone involved. I’ve seen it too many times, so I’ve made a commitment to communicate my frustrations only and always to the appropriate person. When I have a complaint, I go directly to Pastor Rod and talk to him. I don’t talk to board members, parents, volunteers, or other staff members.

• I express heartfelt appreciation.

For appreciation to be received, it must be sincere. Don’t just go through the motions and hope it works out okay. If you’re not feeling thankful, take time to pray. Ask God for eyes to see what He sees so you can overlook some of the difficulties and really appreciate the phenomenal opportunity to reach kids for Christ in your church.  Don’t just be thankful—express it in a way that communicates your heart.

So, what do I do?

If you’re struggling in your relationship with your pastor, take some time for an accurate diagnosis. First ask, “Is it me? Am I contributing to the problem in some way? If I am, what am I doing that’s causing the problem?” Look over the principles in this article and give yourself a grade to see how you’re doing—and don’t grade on a curve! Be ruthlessly honest with God and with yourself about what you see in your response to your pastor.

Take the initiative to talk to your pastor to have a good conversation about his perception of his vision, your role, and how you can work together more effectively. Your fundamental question is “Pastor, how can I help you more?” If a significant, long-term problem exists, you might then say, “Pastor, it seems that our relationship isn’t as strong as it should be. I feel disconnected. Is that just me, or do you feel the same way?” Let him answer. You might find out that he thinks everything is going great, or you may realize he feels just as distant in the relationship.

Before you meet, ask God to give you ears to hear and patience to listen. Don’t accuse and don’t demand. Listen to his heart as well as his words. You may find that you’ve missed each other for a long time, and this conversation gets you back on the same (or close to the same) wavelength.

All of us need to try our best to resolve difficulties in this relationship.  No situation is perfect.  Don’t put unrealistic expectations on your pastor or the church. We don’t need perfect leaders or churches, but we need situations where we can serve God with all our hearts.  Learn to overlook some things, communicate well and often, and give everything you’ve got to the Lord, the kids, the parents, and the volunteers in your ministry. And God will smile.

For more information on this subject, read Brian’s new book,  I Blew It! available at www.highvoltage-kids.com or Amazon Kindle, iBooks, and Nook

by Michael Chanley

The word “authentic” gets thrown around a lot lately. I see it in advertisements all the time. I catch myself saying it frequently.

What does “authentic” really mean?

Authentic is typically used to mean: not false or copied; genuine; real.

When I use “authentic” to describe what we do at INCM, I mean it to say we are trying to be genuine and real. We are wise enough to pay attention to what is going on in other ministries and try to learn from other’s best practices. I think this is healthy. We are committed to not being “false or copied” in our approach to ministry… but are smart enough to look for fruit worth replicating. Where I personally draw the line has to do with being “genuine or real.”

For example, I try to be intentional about who has added to the conversation and in telling people where we get our information from. When we talk about our second initiative, “Providing a Safe and Relevant Environment,” I make it a point to include how I was influenced by Reggie Joiner when adding the word “Relevant.” Reggie didn’t make up that word… but God used him to explain to me the importance of our ministry teaching people to make relevance important (relevance meaning connected to the matter at hand). My church, Southeast Christian, has influenced me in my thinking about connecting to and serving the Body. Staff members answer the phone, “How may I serve you?” This emphasis on serving was pivotal in God leading me to our purpose statement: serve | serve | serve … we exist to serve God and to serve those called to serve His children.

In both of these cases, I try to give honor where honor is due and include the source of the inspiration as often as is possible. I think we should acknowledge where information comes from and who God used to inspire us… and I find inspiration everywhere.

One of the negative sides of this word “authenticity” is how many people abuse it. I see people saying “authentic” and using it in the way a door to door salesperson might… it’s just part of their schtick. Here are a few things I think through to help me to determine if someone is really being authentic with me:

• Is there a pattern of truth in their life? If someone is disingenuous it will show over time. It also shows in the path of destruction they leave behind in relationships, personally and/or professional.
• Do they have something to hide or cover by saying they are authentic? When people say they are trying to be authentic and real but then blast someone else’s perspective as inferior it causes me to give pause.

If you are selling something, be up front and say, “I’m doing this because I hope to sale some widgets.” I mean, let’s be honest… people see the real you. You can’t hide it in today’s highly connected world.

All of this just to end with one last thought, when you hear me talking about our ministry at INCM or at CMConnect as being an authentic community of people committed to serving those called to serve God’s children… we don’t have anything to sale you.

Yes, we charge money for our conferences and training. Yes, we partner with many publishing companies who do have products to sell. Yes, we are going to talk about those partner’s resources, when it makes sense to do so. Yes, we sell ads at CMConnect to fund our free community, similar sites charge over $100 a year.

But… none of these things guide our conversations or direct our purpose. I think that is important and unique and it’s what I mean when I say we are trying to have an “authentic” conversation about kidmin.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and/or criticism.

by Kirk Weaver

NOW HIRING!  Children’s Ministry Director.  Responsible for developing a state-of-the-art children’s ministry facility.  Abundant resources for purchasing curriculum and training Sunday School teachers.

Too good to be true?  Yes…but perhaps not for the reasons you think.

There is an alignment problem within children’s ministry.  We spend more money today than ever before in the history of the church to reach children for Christ.  At the same time we are losing more children than ever before.

To help us understand the alignment problem and the change that needs to take place, let’s look at the change that occurred in mission work beginning in the 1930’s.  In both missionology of the 1930’s and children’s ministry today there is an alignment problem between what the church is doing and God’s plan for the church.

In September 1935, more than 70 years ago, Melvin and Lois Hodges were called to be missionaries in Nicaragua, Central America.  They traveled by plane, donkey and on foot to share the Gospel with entire communities that had never heard about Jesus.

There were two widely accepted strategies for missionaries to use when delivering the Good News.  First, go to the targeted area and build a compound where the missionaries and mission workers would live apart from the nationals.  After the compound was finished, build a church.

Second, the missionary was “the professional” who would lead the church.  Preaching, teaching, administration and implementation of the sacraments would all be done by the missionary.

If another church was needed in a nearby village then another missionary would be called and the process repeated.  Before long, Reverend Hodges, began to notice a disconnect between the strategy for planted mission churches and the way Paul developed new churches in the New Testament.

The Apostle Paul’s strategy for building churches was to travel from city to city, live with the residents and raise up indigenous leadership to run the local church.  Church leaders lived and worked in the communities where they served.

Imagine going to a mission class in seminary today where they would teach:  “When you go to the mission field.  The first thing you do is build a compound and then you, as the missionary, do all the work of the church.”  That way of thinking would be seen as absurd!  Ridiculous!  Today we understand the value of living and working with those God has called us to serve.  We understand the value of raising up indigenous leadership to lead the church.

In children’s ministry today there are parallels between the “professional” leader and “compound” mentality.  The children’s minister and Sunday School volunteer have become the “professionals.”  The church building has become the compound.

Here is a simple test for churches and families to see if they have adapted the professional-compound mentality.

1. In the church, what percentage of the resources allocated to children’s ministry (staff time, finances, special events) is spent on doing spiritual training for the family and how much is spent on equipping families to provide their own spiritual training?
2. In the church, what percentage of the spiritual training takes place in the church building or in a church sponsored location?
3. If a family missed church on Sunday morning, what percentage of the intentional spiritual training would be lost that week in the lives of children?
4. If a family does not go to the church building or a church sponsored event, what percentage of the intentional spiritual training would be lost in the lives of their children?

Let’s be honest.  In the majority of Christian families, the Sunday School teacher has become the professional.  That’s why we hear silly stories of parents saying to teachers, “How come you aren’t doing more scripture memorization with my son?”  Or, “How come you don’t do more in-depth training with my daughter?”  As if the teacher is responsible for the child’s spiritual training!

Let’s be honest.  In the majority of Christian homes little, if any, intentional spiritual training is taking place.  The church building has become the compound.

In the same way we look back on missions in the 1930’s and say, “Remember when missionology was built around compounds and professional clergy doing all the leading? Wasn’t that bizarre?!” I look forward to the day when we can look back and say, “Can you remember when we use to think all spiritual training had to take place in the church and we needed profession church staff to lead the training?  Wasn’t that strange?!”

So how did missionology change and what can children’s ministry today learn from those changes?  Melvin Hodges wrote about his experiences of change in a book titled, “The Indigenous Church.”  Reverend Hodges was not the only one talking about indigenous principles.  God was raising up multiple leaders who had the same passion for change.

The Indigenous Church concept is built around three biblical principles taken from the example of the Apostle Paul.  A church needs to be:

1.  Self-governing.  Don’t do anything for the nationals that they can do themselves.

2.  Self-propagating.  Train and equip nationals to build and expand their own church.

3.  Self-supporting.   Do not rely on outside sources.  Encourage the community to build at their own standard of living and ability to provide.

What Melvin Hodges called The Indigenous Church in his work with missionaries, I would call The Indigenous Family when working with children’s ministers.  The Bible is filled with scriptures directing parents to teach their children.  Proverbs is a letter from a father to a son…a parent to their child.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 teaches “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Psalm 78:5 teaches, “{God} commanded our forefathers to teach their children {the law},  so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”

John 14:26 teaches, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

Three points about God’s plan for passing the faith.  1.  The Holy Spirit is the ultimate teacher.  2.  Family, more than the church, is God’s primary vehicle for spiritual training.  3.  Spiritual training takes place 168 hours a week, not just one or two hours on Sunday morning.

Reverend Hodges’ book is subtitled, “A complete handbook on how to grow young churches.”  How about an Indigenous Family ministry handbook for growing young Christian families?  Follow the same three principles:

1. Self-governing.  Children’s ministry is not what you do at church or in the Sunday School classroom, it is what you do to equip and support parents to teach in their own homes.  When evaluating programs and their impact on families, consider asking the following questions (adapted from Ben Freudenberg’s “The Family Friendly Church):1.  Is the program/activity structured to include all family members?  All the time?  Sometimes?2.  Does the program/activity support families as the primary spiritual trainers or does it put the church in the position of primary spiritual trainer?3.  Does the activity train and equip families to advance the faith in their homes and neighborhoods?4.  Is this activity one of the exceptions when family members will learn best by being separated?5.  What is the desired outcome for families who participate in this activity and is it measurable?
2. Self-propagating.  The most effective tool that I have used in equipping families to provide home-based spiritual training is Family Time Training, www.famtime.com.  Parents are encouraged to use fun object lessons and activities specifically designed to teach character qualities, values and beliefs.When neighbors see you using sidewalk chalk to draw a big fish on the driveway or watch you march around the house with a box—arc of the covenant—on two broom handles…they start to notice and ask questions.  In 14 years of doing Family Time at home, every child in a two block radius attended at least one Family Time.  We have two girls on our street that do not go to church (except when we invite them) but have attended more than 40 Family Time’s in our home.Families who do spiritual training in the home can become the “church” to other families on their block and in their neighborhood.
3. Self-supporting.  When spiritual training is done in the home, the family can modify the lesson to match the resources they have.  When leading Family Time in India, we used lessons that required dirt, air, water and paper.When doing lessons in the United States we may include DVD players, arts n craft supplies, etc.

The transition in missionology helps us see our current misalignment. The Indigenous Church helps us set a new target, the Indigenous Family.  So what are the first steps we can take toward reaching the new target?

First, keep it simple!  Baby steps.  Do not try to change everything overnight.  Be careful about trying to make changes outside your scope of influence.  Do you have the support of the entire church staff?  More change is possible!  Do you have control over one classroom?  Then that is your scope for implementing change.  Home-based spiritual training does not replace church-based spiritual training!  I want my family to have both.

Second, begin to train and equip families to assume their role as the primary spiritual trainers in the lives of children.  You get what you measure, so measure how many families have been educated, equipped and are doing home-based spiritual training.

Third, start with one class.  Don’t just send home a piece of paper that says “read this” or “color this.”  Send home a fun activity!  In a zip lock back provide the activity with the simple materials they need.  Include a form so families can report back on their participation.  Measure how many families are actually doing the weekly lesson at home.  Set a reasonable goal of 10 families and each year expand the number.  Finally, recognize the families that are doing regular home-based spiritual training.  Consider a Family of Faith recognition for those families who do at least 13 lessons in their home over a 26 week period.

These are the simple first steps.  Families who experience the fun and value of spiritual training in the home are more receptive to additional resources.

Age appropriate Bible reading.

Letter writing from parents to children on core values.

Rite of Passage retreats.

Family mission trips.

Most importantly, recognize that Family Time is just a tool.  Be honest, Sunday School is just a tool too.  In both cases we are seeking to expose our children to the truth of the gospel.  Sunday School and Family Time get information into children’s minds.

It is the Spirit that moves the truth from the mind to the heart.  Parents and children’s ministers alike must constantly pray for God’s Spirit to be the ultimate teacher and spiritual trainer.

In 1937 there were three missionary compounds in Nicaragua.  After implementing Indigenous Church principles, there were 9 local pastors in 1941.  By 1953, 400 churches.  Today, there are more than 4,000!

Pouring money into the one or two hours that families use the church building, curriculum and staff may attract more kids and keep parents happy, but research shows it is a poor way to build a lasting faith.  Pouring resources into families is not just effective, it’s God’s plan for passing the faith.  Imagine the families in your children’s ministry program trained, equipped and released to be the church at home, on their blocks and in their neighborhoods!  A children’s ministry that impacts thousands instead of tens.

Kirk Weaver and his wife Kelly have been doing Family Time activities with their children, Madison and McKinley, since 1994.  In 1999 Kirk founded a new ministry called Family Time Training.  The ministry has averaged more than 80 trainings each year to 8,000+ family members.  Kirk has written eight books containing Family Time object lessons including:  Wiggles, Giggles & Popcorn; Seeing is Believing; Tried & True; Bible Stories for Preschoolers- Old Testament & New Testament. He is a graduate of Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL and has a Masters degree from the University of Missouri, Columbia, MO. Kirk lives in Littleton, Colorado and devotes his time to the greater challenge of raising his children in the faith.

by Matt Barnes

The following story is provided by our INCM/CPC Partner David C. Cook.

Like many of you, I grew up going to church and thinking that worship was something you did at an appointed time, place and in a particular way. Usually, the place was church and the time was at the beginning of the service before announcements and the sermon. (Sometimes, we would worship as the offering plates were passed, but this time was usually saved for what was called “special music.”) Then, there was the method of worship. Worship was always singing with a worship band and was usually led by five or six well-dressed singers with amazing voices singing in harmony. (Occasionally, they’d let the guy with the country voice lead to reach another demographic. I was not in that demographic.) Does any of this sound familiar to you?

The problem for me was not the “how” of worship. Of course you can worship with six singers, or even a country singer. The “why” of worship was never compelling. Yes, we worship because God is worthy of our worship, but why before the announcements? Why with three “praise” songs followed by one “worship” song? Why did worship always involve singing? It felt like I worshipped because somebody else decided it was time. There had to be more.

A few months ago, my friend and I were working on our Tru curriculum. (My friend Kit happens to be our Children’s Pastor.) As I tried to find the right words to explain our philosophy of transformational learning, Kit gave me a great word picture. Traditional Christian education is like collecting. It’s as though kids are given a bag and throughout their lives they collect information to put into their bag. The bag, however, is something that they can hold at a distance or even leave behind at some point. It isn’t a part of them. It doesn’t change them. Sometimes it weighs them down. In contrast, transformational learning uses the same information to change the person, but instead of holding the info in a bag it becomes part of who they are. Transformational learning focuses on allowing a person to encounter God.

Needless to say, I love his description. The picture he painted flawlessly describes our own Christian education goal. As a child I memorized stories and verses. I knew that the ark was built out of gopher wood, although I’m still not sure what gopher wood is. I can list the books of the Bible, the Ten Commandments, and the twelve Apostles. But did any of this transform me? When I was in college, I took an internship at a local church. This is where my transformation began. God began to reveal His character to me. As He did, I began recognizing my true identity in Him. When God revealed something new, I wanted to respond. Actually, I needed to respond. Apparently, I was in good company. Throughout Scripture, we find examples of people responding to God’s goodness.

In Exodus 15, when God led the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt and across the dry ground of the Red Sea, His people responded by singing songs to Him. In 1 Samuel 7 when God faithfully delivered His people in battle, Samuel stopped to respond by setting up the Ebenezer Stone. Look at the people in Acts who witnessed the day of Pentecost. After the Spirit descended on them, they responded by giving up everything they had for the cause of Christ. In Romans 12:1, Paul wrote that our response to God’s wisdom, knowledge and glory should be to give our lives to Him. He says that this response is our spiritual act of worship.

Worship is our response to God’s power and glory. It’s our response to who He is. In college, my classmates and I worshipped after the message. Worship was a response to God’s revelation. Some people sang, some danced and others prayed, tithed, or took communion. Some stayed for a while and others lingered. Sometimes we would sing a few songs. Other times we worshiped for hours into the night. We choose to respond to God by sacrificing our time, our money, our energy, our voices, and anything else we could. For the first time, I got the “why” behind worship.

This lifestyle of worship has fueled much of the work I’m doing today. At ROCKHARBOR church, we provide the opportunity for response after experiencing God. For years we have provided worship response options for adults that flow out of the message. A year ago, we began facilitating the same opportunities for our kids. I’ve never seen anything like it. Kids as young as three and four years old choose how they will respond to God in worship. They are experiencing something I did not discover until I was 20.

This is what I want for the next generation. I don’t particularly care if they know about gopher wood, but I do care that they know God. I want them to know His character. I want their identity to be found and formed in Him and who He has created them to be. I want life transformation that elicits responses. I want to see kids who have been impacted and changed by the very Spirit of God and are compelled to worship Him.

As people called to minister to children, we are also called to replicate our faith. If we can help kids experience God and allow them the freedom to respond in worship, they’ll see a world impacted and changed by Christ.

Editorial comment: The beauty of transformational learning is that as kids desire to worship God they will also want to hear and read the stories of God’s power throughout the ages.

Matt Barnes
After graduating from Pepperdine University with a BA in English (2001) and an MA in Education (2004), teaching high school for three years, working in a variety of ministry areas and earning an MA in Organizational Leadership from Azusa Pacific University (2008), Matt Barnes joined the staff of ROCKHARBOR church as the Director of Families Development. Matt oversees the development of all large group teachers in family ministries, the ROCKHARBOR families intern develop¬ment, and leads families staff leadership development. All of this is done with the goal of supporting parents in their role as the primary nurturers of their children’s faith.

Most recently, Matt has joined David C. Cook Publishing as the Product Developer of Tru a collaborative project between Cook and ROCKHARBOR families. This project is set to introduce a groundbreaking curriculum for churches to inspire, equip and support their families toward spiritual growth.

Matt lives in Irvine, CA, and speaks regularly at schools, camps, conferences and retreats on topics related to family ministries, leadership development, and educational philosophy.